fear-and-anxietyUPDATE: March 27th 2014.  I went to my oncologist this morning.  I had blood work last week in preparation.  All the standard blood work and a liver panel were done to ensure that my liver is functioning properly.

Six weeks ago, I had an MRI that showed a few presumably cancerous nodes in my liver. With my oncologists measuring and monitoring, I started my “oral therapy” a la Bill Henderson’s protocol based on Dr. Joanna Budwig’s approach.  Basically, I have a shake in the morning with a lot of supplements and I follow a strict vegetarian diet (with lots more supplements).   I have a big salad every day.  I don’t eat meat or dairy. I must minimize my stress all around.

At first, I think my oncologist was a little skeptical. To be honest, even I  had to admit my own trepidation at the start. My own mindset was slowly changing and I was working on convincing my own self that I could cure my own cancer.

Today, I went into the office and had my vitals taken. My blood pressure was slightly elevated and I felt a little anxious about getting the results of the blood tests.

I didn’t have to wait long.  My doctor came in and we went over the results of my tests. To my great relief, he said that my blood test results said that my liver is “as healthy as a horse.”  My numbers indicated above average liver performance all around.

What a huge relief!

Happy DanceIn fact, the numbers were overall better than the same work done before I started my cancer treatment protocol. Clearly, what I’ve been doing has been working!

I was especially pleased when my doctor started talking about having me reconnect my ostomy. That’s a big sign that he’s not that worried any more about cancer spreading in my body. His entire demeanor was almost giddy compared to our first two appointments.  I think he was as thrilled as I was with the results!

We ended our appointment on a very positive note and confirmed my appointment for my MRI to verify how the nodes in my liver are doing. I’m declaring they are shrinking or gone by then. Time will tell.

As I was going down the elevator, I had a rush of emotions.  Relief, laughter, tears of happiness, joy and gratitude. I was crying for no reason with a big smile upon my face. If felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Funny thing is, that even after losing 35 pounds, I didn’t realize the psychological weight I’d been managing in my own head. I’d been shaping my own mindset, convincing myself that a cancer cure was possible. I’ve been keeping my stress down. But still, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Now I know I can cure my cancer.

Cancer is scary. It’s tough to deal with conceptually and with cancer treatment. The uncertainty. The time between blood test results. The anticipation of what the doctor is going to say. Wondering if my cancer treatment protocol was working.

Thankfully, I can wonder less now and have that much more confidence in my healing process. I’m not completely “cured” yet, but I know the changes I’ve made to my lifestyle are healing me now and will keep me healthy for the rest of my, hopefully, very long, healthy life.